JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
