I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My feet surprised me
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