im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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