So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
