Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize