shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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