we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
