you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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