There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
