It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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