Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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