My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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