Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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