Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
