i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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