I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize