I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
