I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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