Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Less talking, more tequila
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
