i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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