I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
