opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
