Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
