did you get engaged???
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
