if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
