I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize