What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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