Capitaan dildo arrescate!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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