i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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