I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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