is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
