i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
