dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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