he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
