im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
