This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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