i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
