I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
