i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
