dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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