FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
