there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
