Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
