I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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