We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
