I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
