Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
