she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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