I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
