I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
