you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
