don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize