There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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