There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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