my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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