but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
