oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
