My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
