i wish my penis had a tongue
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
