It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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